After cheating his near relative Laban, Jacob fled with his flocks to return to his homeland — where the elder brother he’d cheated years before, who had sworn to kill him, awaited.
Ginny seemed eager. “Shirlee, this is the story about Jacob going back to see Esau, right?”
“It is, Ginny. Why are you so excited about it?”
“Because Jacob’s a dirtbag and Esau’s gonna get him!” Read more…
“Are we ever going to get to Jesus being born, and the presents?” Ginny was getting impatient again.
“We’re just about to, dear, if Mark will let me tell the story.” His endless interruptions (like in Part 2) had held the story back, so only John the Baptist had yet been born. “Here we go!” Read more…
Shirlee just wanted to get through the story of Christmas. She’d just described how in Luke 1:34-37, the angel told Mary that the Holy Spirit would come upon her and she would become pregnant. Now, Mark was pulling out a paper. What did it say? Read more…
“Do we have to hear about Jacob agaaaaaain?” Ginny’s drawn-out, high-pitched whine broadcast her dissatisfaction with this part of Genesis to the world. “I hate Jacob and his whole nasty, lying, stealing family! Can’t we hear about Christmas? PLEEEEEEASE?” Read more…
Ginny was first to arrive. “Are we going to hear more about Jacob and his thieving wife this week?”
“No, Ginny,” said Shirlee. “Like God, I keep my promises. I told John we’d discuss karma. If there’s time after, then we can talk about Jacob some more.”
The other kids filed in. The adults-only portion of church service was now underway. If only Pastor Gardner would tell the adults about karma, too! But he’d said he didn’t want to distract them from his series of sermons on “faith, hope, and charity”. As usual, the fate of these children and their families fell on Shirlee. Read more…
Jacob and Laban divide the flock.
“Last week, we saw how Jacob used sticks to make Laban’s strongest cattle bear speckled and discolored cattle that, under his agreement with Laban, would become Jacob’s. Now, we will see the aftermath of this shrewdness!”
“Does he get beaten up, Shirlee?” What a hopeful tone! Ginny was really getting vengeful toward Jacob.
“You just wait and see. And stop hoping bad things happen to those chosen by God!”
“But he’s a jerk. And a liar. And a thief.”
“No, he was shrewd,” said John, with a grin.
“Yes, just the way the Greek gods like,” added Mark. Read more…
“Many primitive societies, ruled by demons, engage in human sacrifices. They throw people into volcanoes, or light them on fire, or cut their throats. Isn’t that sick?”
Shirlee looked around the classroom. Everyone seemed to agree . . . the one time she didn’t really want them to.
“Did you know that God demanded human sacrifice? And even got it?”
“No way!” Ginny cried. “That’s not true!”
“Most people already know this story, Ginny, which sounds more like God playing a practical joke than anything else. This isn’t the one where God actually gets the human sacrifice, just where He demands someone be willing to perform one for Him!” Read more…
“Do we hear about Laban getting his payback today, Shirlee?”
“We’ll see if we get that far, Ginny.” Shirlee opened her large-print Bible, flipping to her bookmarked page. Looking up, she began, “Last week, we learned about Jacob getting two wives for the price of . . . well, two. Jacob had agreed with Laban, his mother’s brother, to work for seven years for the hand of his first cousin, Laban’s beautiful daughter Rachel. On the wedding night, Laban sent Leah, his older daughter (Jacob’s less-beautiful first cousin), into the tent. The next morning, Jacob demanded Rachel, the cousin he’d contracted for, and was told he could have her. He’d just have to work for Laban for another seven years. After all, Jacob had already broken Leah’s . . . er, freshness seal.”
“Her what?” Read more…
“Do we have to hear more about Jacob? He’s a jerk.”
“Of course, Ginny. It’s the next story in the Bible. And please don’t call one of the Patriarchs a jerk.” Shirlee could tell it was going to be a long morning.
It had already been a rough start. First, her coffeemaker died, and sprayed hot water all over her kitchen. What a nice mess to walk into first thing, and still in socks! Back upstairs to change socks, then mop the floor. Read more…
“So, what did you guess? What did Jacob do to earn God’s favor?” Shirlee looked for a raised hand. “Mark?”
“I think he killed Esau’s nasty wives. That’d make both of his parents happy.”
“That’s a good guess, and it probably would have brought him favor; but that’s not what he did. Yes, John?”
“Did he get Esau’s wives pregnant? After all, he already screwed his brother, why not . . .”
“John! Language!”
“Sorry.”
“Besides, not only would that be a sin, John, but it would also not make Jacob’s parent’s happy, now would it?”
“I guess not.”
“Ginny, do you have a guess?”
“Um . . . Well, you said Jacob was a shrew . . .” Read more…
