Note: Uncle Bobby, my neighbor, helped me technically in assembling this website, and I happily agreed to host his creatively-written travelogues and compelling, Biblically-correct Sunday school lessons about Jesus. He has, unfortunately, come rather unhinged following an incident in Tijiuana with a Jehovah’s Witness, a Scientologist, and a donkey. (I can say no more.)
I’m sad to say that Uncle Bobby will not be able to provide any further travelogues or lessons for the time being . . . so you’ll have to be satisfied with Real Bible Stories instead! – Sister Shirlee
Jesus Says: “Hi kids!
“You know that if mommy and daddy pay their tithes at church and donate to the 700 Club they go to Heaven. You know that as long as you obey the Pastors, no matter what they say, you’ll go to Heaven.
“Sometimes mommies and daddies lose their jobs. They think it’s more important to pay for the house or for food than to tithe as God commands them. They don’t think that I need to see how much they love Me through their Love Offerings.
“Now, we don’t like to think about a mommy or a daddy dying, do we? But it can happen. And if your mommy or daddy is paying more attention to worldly things than Me, how do you think that will make Me feel?”
Click on Jesus to find out how He’ll reward your mommy and daddy!
Playtime with Jesus #23 is recommended for children ages 5 to 12. For best results, have children view this page just before bedtime.
Click here for another fun-filled Bible adventure!
Hi
there is no god god is black i am god jesus is black and i am gay and you too
This cannot be true! Could anybody use fear tactics this extreme just to make sure a church gets money!
It sickens me to see a religion take advantage of it’s followers. I honestly suggest these people watch a documentary movie called Zeitgeist then we’ll see if they believe in god after that!
I’m thinking Poultrygeist: Night of the Chicken Dead would be more edifying, friend.
This is not funny. It’s not what the Savior would say or encourage. I can’t imagine tarnishing an image of the Savior like this for a cheap laugh. Very sad.
i am saddened by this use of what can only be called propaganda. It is true i do not believe in biblical stories. I do not worship the same ideals you do, the same saints you do. In the past you have accepted this. It is now i have chosen to voice my opinion because this IS harmful to young children.
Also i must admit that you are the worst of all [ you administrator above ^ ]. brushing off a challenge to your faith with a distracted answer and a laugh. i am disgusted at this.
Sorry, V for Vending Machine. I can’t really take “Zeitgeist” seriously. Nor can I take you, a God-mocking heathen, seriously.
Why do you hate Jesus and the Word of God?
Describes the Christian religion perfectly.
“If heaven exists, when you get there, are there a bunch of cavemen there too just stumbling around scratching their fleas and shitting everywhere? Do you have to hang out with a bunch of fucks from the 13th century who speak a form of english you won’t really understand? What about when future people show up, and you have no idea what they’re talking about when they mention their strange space devices and genetically engineered humans?”
Do you actually believe what you are saying or are you thinking you will mock God? “Do not be deceived, God is not mocked; for whatever a man sows, this he will also reap.” Galatians 6:7. Salvation is not earned by either tithe or good deed “And you were dead in your trespasses and sins… But God, being rich in mercy, BECAUSE OF _HIS_ GREAT LOVE WITH WHICH _HE_ LOVE US, even when we were dead in our transgression, made us alive together with Christ…For by grace you have been saved through faith; and that not of yourselves, it is the gift of God; NOT AS A RESULT OF WORKS, SO THAT NOW ONE MAY BOAST” Ephesians 2:1, 4-5, 8-9 (emphasis mine) God has freely given us of the riches of His grace to redeem us by the sacrifice of His Son Jesus Christ, “And there is salvation in no one else; for there is no other name under heaven that has been given among men by which we must be saved” Acts 4:12. God has saved us, from what, the righteous punishment of the error of our ways, we have earned it, by His choice to love us shown in the ultimate sacrifice on the cross. The only reason anyone will go to heaven is Christ Jesus. “But even if we, or an angel from heaven, should preach to you a gospel contrary to what we have preached to you, he is to be accursed! ” Galatians 1:8. Please repent… “If we confess our sins, He is faithful and righteous to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness.” 1 John 1:9. God is love and in Christ His love toward us is displayed. If you realize that you are at enmity with God and have broken His righteous Law (ROMANS 3:9-18, 23 / EPHESIANS 2:1-3 / COLASSIANS 1:21 / ROMANS 8:7 …) and you realize that you cannot save yourself from the just wages of your sin (ROMANS 6:23), if you realize there is nothing you can do to save yourself (EPHESIANS 2:8-9), then turn to Christ, believe that He is sufficient, that His promises are true, that He can save, that He is God incarnate (JOHN 1:1-2, 14), that He was raised from the dead, and by faith in Him, we will be justified. Let me know if you want more information, also you can find out for yourself, just seek the truth in God’s Word, humbly and in prayer, pray that God would open the eyes of your heart that you may know what is the hope of His calling, what are the riches of the glory of His inheritance in the Saints, and what is the surpassing greatness of His power towards us who believe. Praise His Holy Name the Merciful God of Love.
so i basically have to buy my way into heaven ? ahahhaha rats!!! ahhahaha
Jesus Says: “Hi kids!
Jesus never used those words. this is, according to the bible BLASPHEMY!
good job, moron christians, way to damn yourselves, as you said in the thing about obama being the devil, god will damn blasphemers. see you in hell, bitches. i will be waiting, and you will find that i am worse than satan. i am not as forgiving, nor am i interested in ownership of your soul. i just want to rip it apart and make you fools suffer.
you fools and your money. congratulations again on damning yourselves. you preach and preach and preach about how important it is to line your pockets with dollar bills. know this. the almighty dollar you worship fits the biblical description of the mark of the beast. you will not be able to obtain food, or clothing, or shelter without the mark of the beast (the dollar.)
you wish you were satans bitch instead of mine. im a lot worse than satan.
you think your god loves you? you are wrong. god knows everything, remember? he, upon creating the universe, knew all of your future actions, knew of your suffering, and knew the angel lucifer would betray him. satan is gods creation, the king of demons unleashed upon humanity by your “loving god”, according to your own beliefs. tell me, admin, have you ever read the bible? cover to cover, completely in context and understood all that it says? i say that you have not.
religion is the progenitor of ignorance, fear, hatred, murder, sin, guilt, and suffering. you christians are fond of saying that all men will reap what they sew, and that the christians are one people. tell me, do you look forward to reaping that which your brothers have sewn during the crusades, the inquisitions, the witch trials? i have thumbscrews, and cats o’ nine and CROSSES and hot irons awaiting the christian fools in my hellchambers for when that day comes. i will relish in your agony and see that you suffer more than any living thing in the universe has ever suffered. you will suffer next to jews, liars, politicians, muslims, and all slime of humanity.
but the suffering that awaits the “christians” will be by far the greatest. you are liars, deceivers and greedmongers all. if you followed the words of the prophet Jesus Christ, then you would be disgusted at the words of the bible, which was written by misguided men.
genisis 6:7 “And the LORD said, I will destroy man whom I have created from the face of the earth; both man, and beast, and the creeping thing, and the fowls of the air; for it repenteth me that I have made them.”
you see? even your god regrets your very creation, for thou art foul, oh wretched, filthy, lying human.
satan will make you promises of pleasure to lure you in, i will simply hunt you and disembowel you when i catch you. satan is a weak fool, who knows not how to hunt his enemy. there are worse things in the universe than fallen angels, as preachers will know after they perish from the blessed earth. what you stupid, arrogant fools never realized is that earth WAS heaven, but you destroyed it with your greed. the wages of sin is death, and the reaper will deliver you to me.
it was upon reading all that the bible had to offer that i turned my back on your false religion, and since that time i have died and returned three times, each with newfound hatred for the lies of the church. all the things you fear are trivial compared to what awaits. christians were quick to laud this internet thing as a tool of the devil satan when it was first given to the masses, but now it is your greatest weapon, oh filthy hypocrites. and now it is my weapon against you. wherever i go on this internet i will spill forth evidence of your lies and ignorance. i will expose you for the fraud that you are, for i love humanity more than does god, and i am deeply concerned for the fate of their souls. you, the christians are defilers of mans souls and i will do all that is in my power to protect them from your lies. upon my next death, i will meet you sadistic preachers on the fields of the land of the dead, and i will call you out for your lies, filth, greed and destruction of the holy mother earth. i will expose you for the frauds that you are and the dead will hate you for misleading them. you may call me lost, you may call me forgotten, for these are my names, and i am the minister of the dead.
i love crosses. they are by far one of the most efficient torture devices ever invented by man, and christians show their hypocrisy full force upon brandishing them as a holy symbol. you think that shoving a cross in the face of my kind, the demons, will sway us from harming you, but you are fools to believe such. the sight of a cross or crucifix only excites us and imparts us with strength all the better to destroy you with. there is power in the blood and in the cross, but it is not the power to save, but to torture, destroy and kill. your messiah claims that he will return to the earth once more… to destroy everything. when he comes, i will be waiting and i will fight. i will fight with the power of hate that has been bestowed upon me by the christians, the false lambs. know that when you fall at my hand it is made possible by the power you willingly gave me when you regurgitated your hatred upon me. know that you have only yourself to blame.
For best results, have christians view my testimony just before bedtime.
Wow, youwishyouweresatansbitchandnotmine… You are one twisted, sinister person. I feel sorry for anyone on your shit list.
i take that as a compliment, dear silent observer, for it is the evils and hypocrisy of the christians that have made me what i am. if you need any more proof of how sick THEY are, feel free to click on the image above and read what they have for you there. keep your guard up however, for they will tell you to sever your own hands and tongue and to pluck out your own eyes. and they also tell you that those who hurt themselves are against god. their hypocrisy has agonized me to no end and twisted my once angelic soul into a demon that thirsts for their suffering. hatred regurgitated upon me by christians (while i shared their blind faith) turned me from angel to demon, and opened my eyes to cruel realities that they turn a blind eye to. need you know more of their hypocrisy?
God has no pity for women or children, not even for the unborn, all who have not accepted Christ into their heart will be tortured forever!
-this is a direct excerpt of the page they show you when you click on that picture of jesus above. they follow up with a long, glorious list of horrible, unimaginable tortures, and devices (which i quite enjoyed) and finish by telling you that this is what awaits if you do not give them your money (go fucking figure that one out) and remember, this is what they told you to show to your CHILDREN just before bedtime! THEY ARE FUCKING SICK! they themselves say that greedmongers are damned, and look at the threats they hurl at you if you do not give them your money. they are worse than rapists, murderers, robbers and common thugs. DO NOT BELIEVE THE LIES OF THE CHURCH FOR THEY ARE THE GREATEST DANGER TO YOUR SOUL IN ALL THE UNIVERSE! it is from love and concern that I spread this message to those who would listen, and from pure hatred that I spread the messages above to those who would twist your soul in order to steal from you. hatred that was first and foremost given to me by them.
Amen
damn. thats fucked up. i looked at the page there, and youwish… is right. these people are sick. they’ll probably change it later and call you a liar, wish. im gonna take some screenshots of that shit just in case they do
by the way, what the fuck did these people do to you to fuck you up so badly? man. Im sorry.
I guess Christians constantly have to work real hard to ram the nonsense and clearly invented BS into their brains that comes from a collection of scribblings from the bronze age. How can we, standing here in modernity, continue to justify that religion is useful, let alone actual fact when it is painfully obvious that it is not even close to resembling fact. Think about the difference in the claims religions make about how the universe works compared to what science, reason and modernity has provided us in terms of explanations, complete with empirical and historical evidence? Of course there is a problem, they do not match at all, no matter how many times you see religion attempting to reverse engineer modern understanding to reconcile their “view” of the universe. Do believers actually read the bible? It is so funny that to believers, simply declaring that the bible is true is all they have to do, no convincing is even needed, they simply train themselves not to ask any important questions like “Why do I believe that these bronze age manuscripts represent some kind of “revealed from beyond” truth?” What is that makes me think so without any real scrutiny? Sure, there are some really big questions that mankind still does not know. How did life actually begin? Why is there existence at all, as opposed to nothing at all ever? No universe, nothing. Are these questions unknowable? I doubt it. It may be that we may never know or maybe we are simply not biologically evolved in a way where we can understand such concepts. But what scares me is people in huge numbers declaring that they have the answers and those answers are found in ANY religious document EVER offered up. The one thing that all religions have ever had in common is that they are all obviously invented by men and have no magical message from beyond.
Just read the books using your critical thinking skills for the love of Pete. I wouldn’t normally mind expect that it shapes public policy and we have to somehow respect people for people for professing their delusions. We are asked to almost admire them for it. Lunacy. I call it like I see it. When someone I meet someone that is so happy to tell me that they are christian, I have begun answering with the immediate question “What other “man-gods” from the middle east do you believe are watching you right now and has a place in some far way “neverland” for you?” They usually respond with “I only believe in Jesus” and usually that is delivered with arrogance. Go figure. We should be worried that for the first time in human history we can have a deadly combination of religious arrogance and certainty (conveniently disguised as a positive thing called “faith”) plus the ability to destroy other people with nuclear/biological weapons.
what a bunch of sick fucks all religious people are.
Silly rabbits, it’s a parody
I say bring back Greek Gods. Zeus FTW
I agree with L_Dude. Zeus owns! anyways, WTF ‘youwishyouweresatansbitchandnotmine’? Dude seriously chill out, you were starting to creep me out lol. instead of being engulfed by hatred by these religious zealots do the what everyone else does…ignore them and enjoy your life on this pale blue dot we call Earth thats tucked away in some dark corner of the universe. because unlike popular religious belief, it’s probably the only life we will get.
Haha, I just clicked on Jesus. Its actually hilarious. And don’t forget to donate to the church, or you’ll go to hell!! Hahahahah This website is a constant source of entertainment. I’m currently using it to demonstrate the evils of religion, and Christianity specifically, to my pupils. Keep up the good work.
Religion is the dream from which we all must awake.