Ask Shirlee!

What’s your problem?

We all need a little advice now and then. But let’s face it, those newspaper advice columnists get lots of letters, and answer only a few a week. What’s left to do? Ask an imaginary friend to spell out an answer on the Ouija board? Talk out your problem with the person involved?

Magic 8 Ball is too judgmental.

Magic 8 Ball has considered these options, and is not impressed.

Lucky you! You have another option. You can Ask Shirlee!

I’m not like those newspaper columnists jabbering to an editor’s delight, or the kindly old neighbor explaining how they did back in the good old days, or Astaroth* invisibly pushing around your planchette while pretending to be an angel named Fanny.

None of those sources can give you what Ask Shirlee can:

First, I’ll whip out the King James Bible and answer your question using Scripture. You’ll be amazed how the religious texts of Bronze Age nomads can answer darned near any question about modern life! If you’re a Tea Partier, or have ever campaigned to install the Ten Commandments in a public school, this is the answer for you.

Ah, but that doesn’t suit everyone, now does it?

After the Scriptural response, I’ll toss my cauldron on the fire and brew up a response filled with common sense, life experience, and a hefty dollop of human compassion, lightly seasoned with wit (or something that rhymes with ‘wit’). No eye of Newt; he’s only got the two.

And now there's that pesky restraining order.

No eye of Newt for you, thanks to that pesky restraining order.

You’ll get both answers right here on the site. As an added bonus, your name, email address, and other identifying information will be withheld at no additional charge!

So what are you waiting for? Ask Shirlee now!

* Use your Google, lazybones. Shirlee’s not gonna spoon-feed you.

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