The Seven Days of Creation

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Maybe you’ve heard about “Creationism”. That’s what Christian people want you to learn in school, instead of evolution and the Big Bang theory. But what is Creationism?

Here’s the story of Creation, as written in the Bible!

The class settled in. Ginny, John, and Mark sat near the front, and the “Dunwich Dullards,” as Shirlee liked to call them — “Dunwich Droolers”, her friend Eunice said — slouched in the back of the room.

“Oh, joy. Creationism!” John looked as bored as the Dullards.

“Hush your complaining!” Shirlee glared. “I haven’t even started! And it’s a beautiful story.”

Once upon a time, there was nothing. No world, no sun, no stars, no moon. There was just God.

“You see, John, people who teach Intelligent Design and Creationism insist that the Big Bang theory isn’t valid, because everything MUST have a cause. Something must have set everything in motion. Doesn’t that make sense?”

“Sure, Shirlee . . . but where do you think God came from?” John was going to start testing her already. “What set Him in motion? What’s His ‘Cause’?”

“God is infinite, John. He was always there, and always will be. So you see? No ‘Cause’ needed, He IS the cause!”

Mark, not to be outdone, jumped in. “What spurred Him, after sitting around for (literally) an eternity, to create a universe? Did He get bored?”

“I don’t know, Mark. Maybe He just wanted someone to love.”

The First Day

One day (well, it wasn’t really a “day”, because God hadn’t invented those yet), God decided to create a world. So, He created a blob of material covered with water.

To go further, He needed to be able to see. It was dark.

“Let there be light!” He cried, and POOF! There was light! God liked the light, and He divided it from the darkness. He named them Day and Night, and that was the first day. (Gen. 1:2-5)

The Second Day

On the second day, God made a “firmament”, the vault of the sky, which he called Heaven. He made it to divide the waters below the sky from the waters above the sky. (Gen. 1:6-8)

“Um, Shirlee?”

“Yes, Mark?”

“Are you saying that the sky is a big dome, and there are waters above it?”

“That’s right, that’s exactly what the Bible tells us.”

“But what about the space shuttle? We know there’s no water out there, just empty space!”

Shirlee paused. “Who are you going to believe, Mark? God, or your television? Your television can show you real live dinosaurs in Jurassic Park, too. Do you think there’s an island with man-made dinosaurs on it, trying to eat Jeff Goldblum?”

“Well, of course not, that’s just a movie . . .”

“I’m glad that’s settled. Now let’s get back to the Bible! And I’ll tell you why there’s no water above the dome another day. Noah knew, and so will you.”

The Third Day

On the third day, God pulled all the water under the sky into one place, making the ocean. Then, the dry land appeared, on which He commanded plants and trees to spring forth. God thought these were pretty good, too. (Gen. 1:9-13)

“I bet you thought the water on the Earth filled low spots, didn’t you? So it would seem more like God pulled the land together to make space for the oceans, wouldn’t it? But the Bible says God pulled the water together all in one place.”

“But that is what happens, Shirlee. The water runs downhill and fills the low spots.”

“Mark, is your ‘science’ going to save you from Hell? I bet not. So I suggest you pay attention to God’s Word instead of Bill Nye the Science Guy, OK?”

“Is all the water in one place now, Shirlee? Why not?”

“Because I’ll tell you why when we get to it, and we’re not going to get there today. Noah found out about water, and you will too. But not today.”

The Fourth Day

On the fourth day, God put lights in the big dome; a big light (the sun) for the day, a smaller light (moon) for the night, and a bunch of tiny stars which would tell people signs, seasons, days, and years. He made the sky into a calendar! (Gen. 1: 14-19)

Ginny spoke up. “So, the sky is a big dome, and the sun and the stars are stuck in it. There are two sources of water, the water above the dome and the water below the dome. Doesn’t that mean there is water behind the stars? Does that mean that’s where rain comes from, behind the stars?”

“It sure would seem that way, Ginny. Or at least that’s how God set it up in the beginning!”

“But the stars are millions of miles away,” noted John. “Rain would have to fall an incredible distance to get here!”

“Yes,” Shirlee sneered, “and on Channel 35, a Tyrannosaurus Rex is picking Jeff Goldblum out of his teeth.”

John sighed his resignation.

“What about day and night?” Mark, perched on the edge of his chair, had a hungry look in his eye. He looked ready to pounce.

“What about them, Mark?”

“Isn’t it day when the sun is up, and night when the sun sets?”

“Of course, any fool knows that. What are you getting at?”

“How could there be a first, second, or third day, and how could God have separated light and dark on the first day to make day and night, when He didn’t create the sun until the fourth day? It couldn’t rise and set if it didn’t exist yet!”

Even some of the Dullards perked up at Mark’s comments. Tom Cerveaux, one of Ginny’s many less genetically-diverse cousins, started mumbling.

“Continuity, continuity,” muttered Tom. “Continuity.”

“What? Continuity? What are you talking about, Tom?”

Continuity!” Tom pounded his fist on his desk. “Con-Ti-Nu-It-Tee!

Shirlee took a deep breath, knowing she wouldn’t get much more out of Tom. “Does anyone know what Tom is jabbering about?”

Mark raised his hand. “The movies, Shirlee. You brought up movies. A continuity error in a movie is when something doesn’t ‘continue’ the way it’s supposed to. Like when Jeff Goldblum’s right arm gets eaten by the dinosaur, and in the next scene he’s running around missing his left arm instead, or still has both arms. Tom’s saying there’s a continuity error. In this case, there’s light in an early scene, but the source of the light doesn’t exist at the time of the scene, so the light can’t be there.”

“This is the Bible, Mark. Let’s not confuse it with fiction and human errors in storytelling, OK? You too, Tom! Hush!”

“Continuity,” muttered Tom.

The Fifth Day

On Day Five, God decided to create some of the living animals — those of the sea and the air, like whales, fish, birds, and dolphins. He told them to reproduce and spread all over the Earth. (Gen. 1:20-23)

“Some animals only went to some parts of the Earth. There are only kangaroos in Australia, for example. Why didn’t all the animals go all over the Earth?” Ginny looked confused.

“Because they were sinful, I bet,” laughed John.

Mark joined in, “They disobeyed God!”

“And you will find out what happens to animals who disobey God in a few weeks, boys.” Shirlee glared. “It’s almost as bad as what happens to people who disobey God!”

“And what’s that, Shirlee?” Ginny was worried. Shirlee knew she could get Ginny’s attention now:

“He resurrects you from the dead, and then He burns you alive in a lake of fire forever and ever, and never lets you escape!”

Ginny started to cry. “Like . . . like Emily?”

Shirlee realized she’d scared Ginny a bit too much with Biblical truth. “Emily’s not dead, Ginny. Look, she’s right there, drooling on her dress, like always.”

Ginny gazed in horror upon her slack-jawed cousin Emily. “Oh . . . God . . . He won’t make me like that, will He?” She started to tremble, more afraid of becoming a Dunwich Dullard than of eternal damnation.

“You just obey God and don’t worry about what He does to other people. That’s His business, not yours.”

“Way to reassure her, Shirlee,” growled Mark. “Ginny, don’t worry about it, Emily is like that because she’s inbred, not because she made God mad.”

Shirlee ignored Mark and turned back to the Bible.

The Sixth Day

On the Sixth Day, God created land animals and insects and creepy-crawly things. He made cows, and lions, and dinosaurs, and bees, and worms, and unicorns, and bears. Lots of creatures! He also made humans!

He decided to make men and women in His image (that means that people look like God!), and told them that they could run the world and be in charge of it and the animals in it. He told them they could eat fruits and vegetables, and so could all the animals. That’s right, God made the first people and all the animals vegetarians, so there would be no violence in the world! (Gen. 1:24-31)

“Shirlee, are you a vegetarian?”

“No, John, I’m not. Why do you ask?”

“Well, you said that God made the people and animals vegetarians. So don’t you think that is what God would want us to do now?”

“You tell me, John. Are all the animals vegetarians now?”

“No, my cat killed and ate a mouse just yesterday.”

“Then do you think things have changed since Creation?”

“Maybe a bit, yeah.”

“We’ll learn more about meat-eating soon.”

The Seventh Day

On the seventh day, God rested. This is why Sunday is to be a day of rest.

Since there was nobody to till the land, and God hadn’t yet invented rain, He made a mist rise from the land to water all his plants. It must have been really humid! (Gen. 2:5-6)

“I thought God was supposed to be resting.”

“What’s that? Well, I guess watering plants must not be work for God. He did it while resting, after all. I hope you’re not suggesting the Bible is self-contradictory, John.”

“No, I’d never do that,” snickered John. “Psst, Tom . . . Continuity.”

“Continuity! Continuity! Continuity!” chanted a grinning Tom, pounding his desk, a single thread of drool linking his chin to his belly.

What about Adam and Eve?

“Shirlee?”

“Yes, Ginny?”

“You didn’t say anything about Adam and Eve. They were the first people, but you said God made lots of people on the Sixth Day.”

“The Bible doesn’t say they were the first people, Ginny. Adam and Eve were apparently the first Jews! Adam doesn’t arrive on the scene until after the Creation is complete. That’s next Sunday’s story, about Adam, Eve, and Original Sin!”

“Original Sin? What’s that?” Mark leaned in. “You know, because I’m tired of all the copycat sins, I’d like to try something new.”

Shirlee’s mouth fell open. “Mark, you little . . . Oh, I can’t say that in church . . . Go home!”

Saved by the bell, the church bell rang indicating the end of Sunday service. Time to go home.

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Comments

The Seven Days of Creation — 37 Comments

  1. The bit about Adam and Eve being only the first Jews is incorrect. There are just two creation stories in Genesis, the first was Genesis 1:1-2:2. The second is of Adam and Eve and was Genesis 2:3-2:25. 2:4 specifically says "This is the account of the heavens and the earth when they were created." 2:5 mentions "no shrub of the field had yet appeared on the earth and no plant of the field had yet sprung up" contradicting the third day, as does 2:6, in which "streams came up from the earth and watered the whole surface of the ground." God creates "the man" — ha-adam in Hebrew, from ha-adama which means "the earth/ground, because in 2:7 "the Lord God formed the man from the dust of the ground" and then "breathed into his nostrils the breath of life," often thought to be free will, self-awareness, or the soul.

  2. There you go again, Evazan, "interpreting" God's Word instead of reading it exactly as it is.

    Rather than realizing that there are two separate Creation stories (one for the whole world, and one for Eden and Adam), you try to force the two stories to become one.

    Remember, Evazan, when the Bible was written, it wasn't split up into chapters and verses. That came thousands of years later (in the case of Genesis). The reference to "this [being] the generations of the heavens and the earth" refers to what came before (Chapter 1, Universe and Earth), not what comes after (Chapter 2, Eden and Adam). The introduction of the chapter division is what is confusing you.

    If the Bible said what you say it says, it would contradict itself within the first two chapters! How ridiculous is that, to think the perfect Word of God could contradict itself in such an obvious way?

  3. Evazan wrote:

    “the Lord God formed the man from the dust of the ground” and then “breathed into his nostrils the breath of life,” often thought to be free will, self-awareness, or the soul."

    What is the purpose of free will if one does not yet know the difference between (have a knowledge of) good and evil?

    How did Adam Eve know that it was right to obey God and wrong to disobey God regarding the Tree of the Knowledge of Right and Wrong when Adam and Eve did not yet know the difference between right and wrong?

    • The disciples questioned Jesus. Questions build knowledge. Without questions, there are no answers. Your stating that asking a question about the bible or God is a sin. Way to go, passing judgment on someone for asking a question. Well, I guess we all know who to answer to now.

  4. Actually, Sunday wasn't the day of rest. Most Christians don't realize that Saturday is. Whenever they don't honor the Sabbath day, SATURDAY, and keep it holy … they are breaking their ten commandments.

    Otherwise, it's accurate.

    • Saturday WAS the Sabbath before Jesus was Resurrected on Sunday. Now CHRISTians recognize Sunday as the Sabbath because Christ's resurrection is the basis off the whole belief system.

  5. Pingback: Creation, Part II: Adam and Eve | Real Bible Stories . . .

  6. Haha, more hilarity from this website!

    Mr Green, you are the worlds best comedian. The perfect word of "god" contradicts itself pretty much by itself. It doesn't need our help.

    Day 1: Day and Night

    Day 4: The sun appears, which without, there is no day and night.

    How can you people be so retarded?

  7. your all dumb! Open a science textbook! -Peace ! (I would suggest, Biology: exploring the diversity of life Russel et al. as a starting point =) )

  8. I meant to say You're but in my state of rage at the lack of understanding of basic biological model I completely overlooked by rather pointless error.

  9. Yes, Saturday is the seventh day. In fact a whole religion was created upon this fact – The Seventh Day Adventists.

    By the way the penalty for working on Saturday, the Sabbath, is death. The Bible god once had a man killed for gathering sticks on Saturday. (Numbers 15:35) Boy is he strict!

    Shepherds are for sheep,

    Infidel

  10. Well, thank you for that insightful comment Bitch.

    However, the Bible certainly does tell us wot dayz it happened. "And so the evening and the morning were the first day." "And on the seventh day God ended his work which he had done."

    Now if you believe the Bible, you will have to take the word of the Hebrews who wrote the Bible and have been keeping track of the days for a few thousand years. The Sabbath of the Jews was the seventh day, or Saturday to Rome. The Roman Christians changed it to Sunday a few centuries after Jesus beat feet.

    Amen,

    Infidel

  11. Greetings Raj,

    There was no Adam. But according to the Bible, Adam wasn't born, or born again, he was formed when the Bible god sneezed into a mud puddle. And of course Eve, an afterthought, was created from Adam's rib. And they all lived happily ever after. No, wait. That was a different fable.

    That's all folks,

    Infidel

    • Yeah, i think you are totally right with that..
      God hello ar you up there or what?? pease tell me. sorry but there is no-one up the to help you i'm afraid

  12. Finds it weird that in another religion… or is it in another part of the Christian religion that Adam's wife's name is Lilith. and that she has something to do with how hell was created.

  13. ok for some of your questions (like why isn't the water all in one place now?) there is one simple answer. the Flood. obviously we didn't go straight from creation to the present day, other things have happened since. please keep that in mind.
    also I'm kinda curious as to what Bible you are getting all your quotes from..?

      • there are no actual biblical quotes in the article itself. You have to click on the various links to read the King James quotes. What are written in the article itself are just paraphrases, written in a mocking tone to help the reader come to the author’s conclusion that the Bible is not a credible basis for a rational and internally consistent belief system.. Sometime subtle, sometimes sledge hammering it’s an interesting strategy.

        • Thank you!

          Of course it’s paraphrased. The point is to make it comprehensible to young folks, making clear what it says. Copying and pasting the KJV 1611 text would then require a paraphrase to follow, which would waste a reader’s time.

          Any reader can confirm that no embellishments have been added to, and no facts removed from, the Scriptures by looking at the links provided with each paraphrase.

  14. Type your comment here.By your account of creation, it seems GOD was in complete darkness before light were created. And it is an abzurdity that the all knowing GOD did not know the state of things .before they were created………..and GOD created light and saw it was beautiful………. The all knowing GOD?By your account of creation, it seems GOD was in complete darkness before light were created. And it is an abzurdity that the all knowing GOD did not know the state of things .before they were created………..and GOD created light and saw it was beautiful………. The all knowing GOD?

  15. I think that my religion is right because my mystical santa-claus skydaddy says so! He has promised all of you eternal bliss if you promise to worship him and follow his rules, laws, words, etc. all your life! But if you aren't good, he'll brutally punish you like the sadistic bastard he is!

    LETS HEAR IT FOR SKYDADDYS!

  16. Lol… Gen 2:17 – Eat from the tree of knowledge and die / Adam did Gen 3:6 / and lived 930 years Gen 5:5…. Gen 4:12 Cain – Fugitive and Vegabond – Gen 4:14 Everyone will slay me (only two people existed – his parents)/ Gen 4:16-17 – married, had a son and built a city (fugitive and vagabond eh?)… Gen 17:8 – Promised Abram / never happened Acts 7:5…. Gen 26:4 – Promised Isaac’s descendants will be numerous / never happened (jews have always remained a minority)…. Gen 46:3-4 Promised Jacob a safe return from Egypt / never happened, Jacob died in Egypt Gen 47:28…. Gen 48:21 Joseph dies in Isreal / Gen 50:24 Joseph dies in Egypt.
    Human or beast first? Gen 1:25-27 / Gen 2:18-22
    Should adulterers be punished? Leviticus 20:10 / John 8:3-7
    Gods anger lasts? Judith 8:15 / Jeremiah 3:12 & 17:4
    Animals created? Genesis 1:20 & Gen 2:19
    Peter asks Jesus where he’s going? John 13:36 / John 16:5

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