The Story of Noah’s Ark

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“Today, we’ll be reading a special story, one you probably all know already.”

“The birth of Jesus and the three wise men and drummer boy?” Ginny asked eagerly. “Christmas is coming soon!”

“No, Ginny, we’re still in Genesis. And this is before Jesus came!” Shirlee loved Ginny’s enthusiasm. “A long time ago — four THOUSAND years, more than half the whole age of the Earth! — there lived a man named Noah. His story is told in the book of Genesis, chapters 5 through 8. Would anyone like to tell me how the story goes?”

“Oh, I know this one,” said Ginny. “My mother read it to me from her Big Book of Bible Stories many times. I can tell it!”

Shirlee sat back, looking around the room. Not seeing any other hands raised, she told Ginny to go ahead.

“Well, all the people were ignoring God and not doing what He told them to do, so God came to Noah and told him to build a big boat. Noah and his three sons built the boat, and all their neighbors came around and made fun of them, building a big boat so far from the ocean. Noah invited them to come on the ark with him and his family, but they laughed and told him he was crazy!”

“Interesting,” said Shirlee. “You’re sure that’s what the storybook said?”

“Oh, yes! They even had a drawing of the neighbors throwing rotten tomatoes at Noah!”

“Tomatoes? That’s not possible,” Mark objected.

“Yes, tomatoes, Mark. The book said so, and the picture was definitely tomatoes.”

“Tomatoes are from South America, Ginny. They weren’t even known outside of South America until after Cortés came to the New World.”

“Well, it’s what the book said. Anyway, they all made fun of Noah, and none of them got on the ark. Then God brought two of every kind of animal and they all stayed on the boat while it rained for forty days and nights, and all the evil people who ignored Noah’s warnings drowned. Then God made a rainbow, and Noah and his family re-started civilization.”

“You’re sure that’s what the book said, Ginny?” This time, it was Shirlee asking. “Positive?”

“Oh, yes. My mother read it to me many times. She still has the book, I can bring it if you want.”

“No, no, I believe you.” Shirlee opened her large-print Bible. “How about I tell you the real story now?”

Noah was a very good man; the Bible says he was just, and that he was perfect. He followed every rule God made, not just the ones he liked!(Genesis 6:8-9)

Shirlee paused. “Do you know people who say they are Christian, but only follow some of the rules God gave us in the Bible?”

“Like what, Shirlee?” asked John.

“Do you know anyone (other than Pastor Gardner) who works on Sundays? That breaks one of God’s rules! Do you know anybody who wishes they had their neighbor’s house, or car, or pretty wife? That’s breaking one of God’s rules, too!”

“Well, yes, I guess so . . .”

“Breaking one of God’s rules is called sinning, John. God hates people who sin! The story of Noah and the Ark will tell us just how much He hates them!”

Even though God had decided by Noah’s time that people should only live to be 120 years old (Genesis 6:3), He liked Noah a lot and let him live to be much older.

When he was 500 years old (Genesis 5:32), Noah had three sons. He named them Shem, Ham, and Japheth.

About that time, God looked around the Earth, and saw that there was all sorts of wickedness and sin. People had, in the 2,000 years since Creation, forgotten or started ignoring His rules. There was miscenegation going on — that’s the grownup term for interracial marriage. Giants were marrying normal humans (Genesis 6:4), instead of keeping to their own kind. God hates that!

All the people were thinking evil thoughts all the time. So, God decided to kill them all.

He said, “Noah, I’m sorry I made these people who ignore Me and My rules. I’m sorry I created people at all! I’m going to kill them all, and all the animals and birds and everything else, too.” (Genesis 6:6-7)

Noah didn’t say anything.

God continued talking, telling Noah, “Build a big boat. We’ll call it an Ark. Then take two of every animal on that boat with you, or seven of animals that I’ve told you are clean animals. Only two of the unclean animals, like pigs and crabs. And don’t forget all kinds of food. You can bring your family with you. But I’m going to kill all the other people, and all the animals not on your boat with you.”

“What did Noah say, Shirlee? Didn’t he beg God to spare the people?” Ginny seemed to think Shirlee had forgotten part of the text.

“No, Ginny. Noah didn’t say a word. He just did exactly what God told him.”

“But he warned all his neighbors, right?”

“Lots of people who tell the story of Noah, like in your mother’s storybook, say that he spent 100 years telling people God was going to destroy everyone on the Earth, and that they all laughed at him. Some even say Noah offered to take them on board, in violation of God’s commands. This is found nowhere in the Bible. People made it up!

“Even if people had believed Noah, God’s covenant was with Noah. He had already decided to kill everyone but Noah and his family. It would have been a sin — disobeying God — to bring other people on the ark!”

God gave Noah quite a while to build this really big boat (the Ark). The story starts when Noah was 500, remember. But the Bible says that the rains came when Noah was 600! (Genesis 7:6) Noah spent 100 years building the Ark. His sons, then, were 100 years old when they went onto the Ark.

God even shut the door for them and locked them in, to make sure they’d stay nice and dry. (Genesis 7:16)

Then, God made it rain. He made it rain for forty days, and for forty nights. That’s a long time!

John spoke up. “Well, at least that part of Ginny’s book was right, Shirlee. Raining forty days and forty nights.”

“Yes, it rained forty days and forty nights. That’s more than a month of solid heavy downpour! Imagine a big hurricane, like Katrina in New Orleans, only instead of being over in a day, it went on for forty!

“As the waters rose, I bet all Noah’s neighbors who had laughed at the crazy old man who spent 100 years building a giant boat were beating on it, trying to get in. Noah didn’t let them in, though. God hadn’t told him to let his friends in, just his family. And God had locked the door anyway.

“But do you think that water would all go away in a day, John?”

“Um . . . a few days, anyway.”

“How about you, Mark? A day? A week?”

“It took a long time in New Orleans. More than a week.”

“Let’s continue the story and find out, shall we?”

After the forty days it took to flood the Earth, God waited another 150 days. It took over seven whole months from when the rains started to when the boat rested on Mount Ararat, a tall mountain. I bet it just looked like a tiny island then, though! (Genesis 7:24, Genesis 8:1-4)

“Seven months?” John cried. “How could they have packed food for all those animals for seven months?”

“That’s just how long God let the water stand on the earth, before he started to make it recede, John. There’s more; it was actually a full year before they could leave the Ark. (Genesis 8:5-13)”

“But why Mount Ararat?” asked Mark. “Too bad Noah wasn’t in modern-day Nepal; he might have stopped being seasick earlier. Mount Everest is twice as tall as Mount Ararat.”

“Because God wanted Noah to set down in modern-day Turkey, Mark.” Well, that was an answer.

Ginny had a question. “It must have been crowded and stinky in Noah’s boat, with two or seven of every creature, Shirlee. But how did he keep the lions from eating the lambs? And what about the baby dinosaurs?”

“Baby dinosaurs?” Mark laughed. “What are you talking about?”

“Mark, don’t be silly. The Bible says that Noah took two or seven of every kind of animal. That’d include dinosaurs. Duh!” Ginny secretly loved proving that know-it-all Mark wrong.

“Maybe they ate the dinosaurs,” offered John.

“God didn’t give them permission to eat the animals on the ark, John,” interrupted Shirlee.

“What do you think it was like for all the people not in Noah’s boat? Let’s think about them for a minute,” suggested Mark. “I bet people who lived by the ocean probably got into boats, them and their children and their wives, pregnant with pre-born children who hadn’t had a chance to defy God yet. But God capsized those boats, or let the people in them starve to death over the ten months before the lower mountaintops showed above the water.”

“Shirlee, what do you think the people on those boats, who didn’t have months of supplies stored up, ate?” Ginny’s storybook hadn’t touched on those other people.

“Do you think they ate each other, or their children?” asked John.

“I don’t know,” said Shirlee. “The Bible is silent on the matter.”

Mark continued his musings. “The people who didn’t have boats must have climbed trees and hills, then sat helplessly watching as the water rose. I bet that was scary! They probably tied logs together to try to make rafts, then clung to them hoping to survive, finally getting too tired to stay awake but knowing they and their little babies would die if they fell asleep.”

“Yes, Mark, probably,” sighed Shirlee. This wasn’t glorifying God at all.

“All the animals of the world died, too. Right, Shirlee?” Mark just wasn’t giving up. “Birds flew, landing on whatever they could find, until everything was waterlogged and sank. Then, the birds drowned, just like all the zebras, and dinosaurs, and lions, and chickens, and bunny rabbits. God killed them all, because the people didn’t follow His rules. Isn’t that right, Shirlee?”

“Yes, Mark, that’s right. Exactly like you say, I expect. Don’t you feel like following God’s rules now? Are you worried that God will drown you if you break His rules?”

“A little,” said Ginny.

“Well, don’t worry about that! God promised not to!”

That’s right, when Noah got out of the ark, he took the seventh creature from all the clean animals and birds, and killed it, and burned it on an altar for God. God liked the smell of the burning flesh, and was happy and said:

“I will not again curse the ground any more for man’s sake; for the imagination of man’s heart is evil from his youth; neither will I again smite any more every thing living, as I have done.” (Gen. 8:20-22)

“That’s a relief,” sighed Ginny.

“That’s right, God will never destroy all life on Earth again! Only select locations, as you’ll see in the story of Lot,” added Shirlee.

“So . . . ”

“Yes, Mark, what now?”

“After this, Noah and his sons, and their wives, were the only people left on Earth. They had to repopulate the planet. So they had to be inbreds.”

“That’s why it’s OK to marry your first cousin, if your state or country follows God’s rules, Mark! States where you can’t marry your first cousin are run by people who hate God.”

“What about towns where they’ve interbred for a few hundred years because nobody else is willing to come there?” John had a smirk on his face.

“HEY!” cried Ginny. “You stop that!”

“Brothers and sisters aren’t first cousins, John. Stop making fun of Ginny’s relatives.” Shirlee looked around the room and shuddered. Aside from John and Mark, they all were Ginny’s relatives.

“It’s almost time to go, so I’m going to give you a sheet of questions to think about for next week.”

“Awwww, homework? From Sunday School? I have a big science project due Friday,” Mark whined.

“Then you should have time to think about these things on Saturday!”

Shirlee passed around the paper, with these questions:

  1. Do the people running your state or country love God? If you’re in the United States, you can look here to find out!

  2. Is God forgiving of all sin, like some Pastors say, or does He punish people for breaking even one of His rules?

  3. Why did God kill off the pre-born babies, and little kids, and animals, in order to punish the people who broke His rules? How many reasons can you think of?

  4. God was sad that He made people, because they wouldn’t obey Him. So, He killed all the people, even the babies, and all the animals and birds and dinosaurs, too. But then after, He said that He realized that people were evil from their youth anyway. So . . . If people are God’s creation, and they’re evil from childhood, doesn’t that mean He made people to be evil? Why would He be mad about it, if they turned out the way He made them?

  5. God planned the Flood for 100 years, giving Noah all that time to build the Ark. Why did God secretly tell Noah His plans and let all the people keep on breaking His rules for a whole century, instead of just telling the people to stop breaking His rules? What reasons can you think of?

Shirlee also handed out an article. “Pastor Gardner got this from the Daily Mail, a very reliable British tabl- . . . newspaper. But since he didn’t want to violate their copyright by making copies, he just provided you a few excerpts, and filled in the rest himself. I have copies for everybody! Emily, don’t eat that. It’s for reading, give it to your parents.”

The article read:

Exciting news! Noah’s Ark has been DISCOVERED! Multiple news outlets report the discovery by evangelical archaeologists:

April 26, 2010: A group of Chinese and Turkish evangelical explorers said Monday they believe they may have found Noah’s Ark — four thousand metres up a mountain in Turkey.

The team say they recovered wooden specimens from a structure on Mount Ararat in eastern Turkey that carbon dating proved was 4,800 years old, around the same time the ark is said to have been afloat.

“It’s not 100 percent that it is Noah’s Ark but we think it is 99.9 percent that this is it,” Yeung Wing-cheung, a Hong Kong documentary filmmaker and member of the 15-strong team from Noah’s Ark Ministries International told AFP.

The structure had several compartments, some with wooden beams, which were believed to house animals, he said.

The group of evangelical archaeologists ruled out an established human settlement on the grounds that one had never been found above 3,500 metres in the vicinity, Yeung said.

Unfortunately, the discoverers refuse to release the location, dimensions, or any exterior photos. But there is 4,800-year-old straw!

Just look at this 4,800 year-old fresh straw in Noah's Ark! Surely it's not a hoax this time!

Christians around the world are hoping it’s not a hoax, like the last time:

Nicholas Purcell, a lecturer in Ancient History at Oxford University, was dismissive of the claims adding that ‘these kinds of stories come along pretty regularly’.

‘The usual nonsense,’ he told MailOnline.

‘If floodwaters covered Eurasia 12,000ft deep in 2,800 BC, how did the complex societies of Egypt and Mesopotamia, already many centuries old, keep right on regardless? And dating Noah’s Flood to 2,800 BC is arbitrary anyway…’

Over the years there have been numerous hoaxes over the search for the ark. In 1993, George Jammal claimed in a programme shown by CBS that he had ‘sacred wood’ from the ark.

It was later revealed that he was an actor and that the wood was in fact taken from Californian railroad tracks which had been baked in an oven with various sauces.

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Comments

The Story of Noah’s Ark — 35 Comments

  1. Do you actually believe what you are saying or are you thinking you will mock God? “Do not be deceived, God is not mocked; for whatever a man sows, this he will also reap.” Galatians 6:7. Salvation is not earned by either tithe or good deed “And you were dead in your trespasses and sins… But God, being rich in mercy, BECAUSE OF _HIS_ GREAT LOVE WITH WHICH _HE_ LOVE US, even when we were dead in our transgression, made us alive together with Christ…For by grace you have been saved through faith; and that not of yourselves, it is the gift of God; NOT AS A RESULT OF WORKS, SO THAT NOW ONE MAY BOAST” Ephesians 2:1, 4-5, 8-9 (emphasis mine) God has freely given us of the riches of His grace to redeem us by the sacrifice of His Son Jesus Christ, “And there is salvation in no one else; for there is no other name under heaven that has been given among men by which we must be saved” Acts 4:12. God has saved us, from what, the righteous punishment of the error of our ways, we have earned it, by His choice to love us shown in the ultimate sacrifice on the cross. The only reason anyone will go to heaven is Christ Jesus. “But even if we, or an angel from heaven, should preach to you a gospel contrary to what we have preached to you, he is to be accursed! ” Galatians 1:8. Please repent… “If we confess our sins, He is faithful and righteous to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness.” 1 John 1:9. God is love and in Christ His love toward us is displayed. If you realize that you are at enmity with God and have broken His righteous Law (ROMANS 3:9-18, 23 / EPHESIANS 2:1-3 / COLASSIANS 1:21 / ROMANS 8:7 …) and you realize that you cannot save yourself from the just wages of your sin (ROMANS 6:23), if you realize there is nothing you can do to save yourself (EPHESIANS 2:8-9), then turn to Christ, believe that He is sufficient, that His promises are true, that He can save, that He is God incarnate (JOHN 1:1-2, 14), that He was raised from the dead, and by faith in Him, we will be justified. Let me know if you want more information, also you can find out for yourself, just seek the truth in God’s Word, humbly and in prayer, pray that God would open the eyes of your heart that you may know what is the hope of His calling, what are the riches of the glory of His inheritance in the Saints, and what is the surpassing greatness of His power towards us who believe. Praise His Holy Name the Merciful God of Love.

  2. Where's the rubbish?

    It looks exactly like what the Bible actually says.

    Why would there not be baby dinosaurs? The Bible says the Earth is 6,000 years old. Not "millions of years". Do you deny God's Creation?

    Have you ever read the Bible, or do you just believe whatever you like and pretend to be Christian?

  3. Pingback: Fundamentalists Still Believe Black People Descendants of Ham | Paliban Daily

  4. OneWay's comment is so typical of the billions of deluded Christians. All they do is quoting the bible, quoting the bible again, and, quoting the bible again. So what were you trying to say again?!?!

  5. Oneway wrote:

    "God has freely given us of the riches of His grace to redeem us by the sacrifice of His Son Jesus Christ,"

    Sacrifice? What sacrifice? The biggest part of the sacrifice of death is that the dead person is no longer and will never again be alive. Jesus was dead for a weekend (assuming God could die in any sense). For us humans death is a real sacrifice, a much greater sacrifice, because it's permanent. Compared to a mortal human's experience of death (which is permanent) Jesus was just play-acting.

  6. Pingback: Noah's Ark - Religion and Philosophy - Page 31 - City-Data Forum

  7. wow! I agree with TF. Some of the worst commentary that i have ever seen. First of all, God does not hate any people, he hates sin but not the sinner, Secondly the thing about interracial marraiges is a bunch of rubbish. So you think that this passage of scripture means that Giants should only marry other giants? Different "races" are really only people with some different physical features. We all come from Noah and so we are all related. It is wrong for a christian to marry a non-christian but God views all races the same.

  8. Also, OneWay, you need to go back and READ your Bible properly. "Judge not, lest thou ALSO be judged!" I shall PRAY for your LOST soul, you pagan poltroon.

  9. @phil

    Phil, could you show me where the Bible says that God hates the sin, but not the sinner? And explain why it is that God killed off all the preborn babies who hadn't yet had a chance to choose to follow Him or not.

  10. You need to do an aftermath of the Noah story. Where 8 white people evolve into Negro, Hispanic, Asian, Indian, Middle Eastern and all the other races, or can you use the word "evolve". Then you'd have to cover the part of how God provided boats for kangaroos, wallabys and other animals native to Australia to transport them. Penguins to Antarctica, Polar bears to the Arctic, etc. Must have had a whole fleet of boats. The other part that needs covering is "where did all the water go?"

  11. Rachel wrote:

    OneWay’s comment is so typical of the billions of deluded Christians. All they do is quoting the bible, quoting the bible again, and, quoting the bible again. So what were you trying to say again?!?!

    Yes my Rachel that is true of myself, "The heart is more deceitful than all else And is desperately sick; Who can understand it?" Jeremiah 17:9 and "There is a way {which seems} right to a man, But its end is the way of death." Proverbs 14:12 and 16:25. I will seek truth from the revealed Word of God rather that speculate about what is true: "For even though they knew God, they did not honor Him as God or give thanks, but they became futile in their speculations, and their foolish heart was darkened." Romans 1:21. I will take my truth from the established absolute word of God, literally unless otherwise indicated and in context with rest of the entire Scripture rather than speculate. The Bible is not a book that man could write if he would or would write if he could.

    ____________________________________________________________________________

    OneWay wrote:

    “God has freely given us of the riches of His grace to redeem us by the sacrifice of His Son Jesus Christ,”

    Jon wrote:

    Sacrifice? What sacrifice? The biggest part of the sacrifice of death is that the dead person is no longer and will never again be alive. Jesus was dead for a weekend (assuming God could die in any sense). For us humans death is a real sacrifice, a much greater sacrifice, because it’s permanent. Compared to a mortal human’s experience of death (which is permanent) Jesus was just play-acting.

    Hello sir, what is sacrifice? A loss entailed by giving up or selling something at less than its value. To be more specific it was a willing sacrifice Christ made on our behalf. Okay, what was lost or rather given up which is more appropriate when the modifier willing is added to sacrifice? Due glory, Christ was before He became flesh (John 1:16) in a place well described in Isaiah 9 "In the year of King Uzziah's death I saw the Lord sitting on a throne, lofty and exalted, with the train of His robe filling the temple. Seraphim stood above Him, each having six wings: with two he covered his face, and with two he covered his feet, and with two he flew. And one called out to another and said, "Holy, Holy, Holy, is the LORD of hosts, The whole earth is full of His glory." And the foundations of the thresholds trembled at the voice of him who called out, while the temple was filling with smoke. Then I said, "Woe is me, for I am ruined! Because I am a man of unclean lips, And I live among a people of unclean lips; For my eyes have seen the King, the LORD of hosts." Isaiah 6:1-5. Going from this scene in the throne room with Christ to an infant being born of His own creation in a stable walking among His creation teaching and proclaiming Himself to us while being rejected and mocked by His own creation then being holy and by definition superior as God allowing himself to be physically abused and humiliated by His own fallen sinful creation is sufficient to fit the definition sacrifice. But you mention death, what is the pain in death? The act of death isn't what is painful, I would rather die in my sleep than to be brutally tortured and then hung on a tree to die. I think you miss the most profound part of the atonement. The sting in death is the imminent judgment and wages for our sin. Christ suffering was not only physical but as we see: "He made Him who knew no sin to be sin on our behalf, so that we might become the righteousness of God in Him." 1 Corinthians 5:21. Can you imagine that? You know sin as do I, we have sinned against God and are deserving of the just recompense for our deeds. Christ knew no sin yet on that Cross He was made to take the burden of all sin and endure the Righteous wrath of God that we would be able to receive His righteousness. It is not only then the physical pain in torture but mainly the bearing the burden of sins not committed. If we are called a liar being honest with ourselves we would be able to identify with the accusation because we have been guilty of the offense and will again most likely. But Christ was judged a sinner when not He but us had committed the offense. Now did God owe us this, absolutely not! It is by His choice He did this that He might display the riches of His glory in love for us in Christ Jesus. If we know this we can put our hope in Christ and His finished work on the cross, we can repent of our hostility and hate, our offensive life against God and follow our Savior Jesus Christ. Repent and believe, simultaneously, repent and know your offense of God and your deserving of His Righteous Wrath know Christ bore the full wrath of God on your behalf and hope in Him for your righteousness. "For the wages of sin is death, but the free gift of God is eternal life in Christ Jesus our Lord." Romans 6:23. Please consider these truths and pray to God to grant you faith to repentance. Please let me know if you have any questions or if I can help in any way email me okay: gloryservant@gmail.com.

  12. Kids, if you have just read this, I hope you enjoyed this work of fiction. Now go and pick up a science book. The REAL history of the world is 10 times more amazing, fascinating and honest than anything written in the bible. There were no dinosaurs on an "ark", the dinosaurs died out 65 million years ago! The earth is over 4 and a half BILLION years old. Don't spend your life worrying about whether "your mummy and daddy would eat you" (they wouldn't). Only people who believe in an imaginary "god" would eat their children, normal people won't. Also kids, marrying your cousin is WRONG! It leads to inbreeding and genetic deformities. Do you want your children to grow up disabled?

    Don't worry kids, there is no god, and one day you'll grow up and realise this, along with the rest of the world.

  13. HAHAHA! great website. But on a serious note, It still amazes me how these religious folk will make ANY and EVERY excuse to justify these crazy stories with even crazier excuses or more stories! It seems that most kindergardeners start questioning these tales right around the time when they realize there is no santa claus either. But on second thought, I bet millions of adult people would still believe in Santa Claus too if they were continually socially conditioned and brainwashed by their families to do so until they had children of their own and could repeat the process. Oh, and one more thing…It gets a little old when these religious folk keep qouting their God book of choice when trying to have a logical debate. It's like…"I believe that pixies created the Earth and people about 10 years ago (because it says so in the pixie bible). You all are going to troll hell for not believing in pixies. To prove how wrong and wicked you are, I shall throw qoutes from the pixie bible at you. okay, i'm done ranting.

    • wait…what????? what's this nonsense about not beleiving in Santa Claus??? you can track his trip on the internet by satelite every Christmas Eve…if the satellite can pick him up…he's real…how else do you explain the wooden handmade toys and trinkets under the tree that no one bought???

  14. This is still my favourite. Everytime I want to feel more intelligent, I visit this site to remind myself of the existance of fundaMENTALIST christians.

  15. @Chris

    Chris, I will be praying for you to relize your wrong and you are a sinner just like me and the rest of the world. But your right science is amazing and fasinating and a very helpful tool!! But hopefully one day u'll realize that God created science and everything in it!!!…

  16. @TF MINISTRYOFDREAMS.org IS BIBLE PROPHECY it feels like a body your perfect size coming in, the Holy Ghost baptizm and I have and you steal the God spoken protected birthed ministry of dreams from Gods child to ruin, thats, satans army, said, hollie, coming against christian, its led by dr. rev. jeremy taylor u.u. and paliban daily kids jean poole and jenny donati,, they loved their reverend dr. rev. jeremy taylor who is a soothsayer from wisdom university that steals the God spoken protected created birthed name ministry of dreams like ginny hill of bbc, d.min jeremy taylor u.u., antonia vladimirova of dreams foundation, diana hughey, wesely pruden, Martin J. Clemens, jean poole, tish donati poole, ARMEN BERJIKLY, Jenny Donati, John E. Laster, bill hamon, kathy taylor m.a., theo, soirace, snygman, Shirlee Phelps-Dodge, theodore snygman, diana hughey, Aafke, Ahmed Al-Omra, diana hughey, ARMEN BERJIKLY, susan j, murphy, wesley pruden, Benyamin L. Jolkovsky, Louwrens Erasmus, Shen Shagua, Vanchau Nguyen, hettie Erasmus of shama ministries, radroni radco, kim davis of Heart-Fire Ministries, pensylvania commisioner douglas heller, ron tompkins, World press reviews Stanley Foundation, Steve Hearn, Barry Keller, alex ness, frank evans Servers, frank evans enterprises, janetmck, janet mcknight, steven brust, ed lulz, jonah weiland, duncan rouleau, they steal to ruin Gods child, tell them, saith the Lord,

  17. ok, firsst.. i do believe in God. but i dont think that God hates everyone. if he hated everyone, he wouldnt of died on the cross for our sins. And that one question… 'Do you follow all of God's rules?' obviously, no one has, because only Jesus Christ was perfect.

    • No, He only hates the people who don't do exactly what He wants all the time. He will resurrect them at the end of the world so He can torture them forever and ever in a vast lake of fire instead of just leaving them dead and unknowing.

      By the way, how much of a sacrifice is it to "die" when you can resurrect yourself at will?

  18. my heart grieves for you non-believers!!!! :( it makes me really sad that you dont even believe in the God that made you and your family, and has a perfect plan for your life!!!!….and marky mark, can you see air!!?? no!!, you cant!!! but you know its there(cause your breathing!!!)…and you have faith that its there…well thats how Christian are about God..we cant see him but we have faith thats hes there(because we are alive)the Bible is a reassurence tool that we use to grow stronger in our walk with God……i will be praying for you….God has a perfect plan for everybodys life espescially yours!!!

    • Krystal, I can't speak for Marky Mark, but I don't have faith air is there. Faith is believing in something you can't prove.

      I know air is there, and it can be objectively proven to be there. Just like God, who can be measured scientifically and proven; no faith is required.

      Right?

      Now, please share with Marky Mark some of the objective scientific proofs for God's existence. Thanks!

  19. Greetings,

    After seeing the news reports of the latest discovery of Noah's Ark I called my friend the eminent Ark-eologist, Spade Digsmore. He has just returned from Turkey with a piece of wood "that can only be from Noah's ark." According to professor Digsmore, the piece of wood survived for 4,500 years because it was pressure treated.

    Now I know that scoffers will ridicule the idea of a world wide flood reaching fifteen cubits (Gen. 7:20) above the tops of all the mountains of the world. That's about five miles of water. But verily, the Bible warns us that there will be scoffers in the last days (2Peter 3:3), thus their very scoffing proves the Bible truth.

    Some may wonder haw a man who was 600 years old managed to get all those animals (dinosaurs, polar bears?) on board the love boat. But the flood story has to be true because Jesus (god's other son, before Ronald Reagan) mentions it in both the inspired books of Matthew and Luke. True believing fundagellicals know that Jesus also mentioned other Bible truths like Lot's wife turning into a pillar of salt, frolicking naked Adam and Eve, Jonah and the fish story, and of course King David (Who once saw the Bible god riding on a flying cherub. (2Sam. 22:11). There is even a genealogy (Luke #3) of Jesus that goes all the way back to Adam. (Don't read the one in matthew,#1, it's totally different, a trick of Satan who knows scripture.) Anyway, the genealogy in Luke not only proves the story of Noah but also disproves Satanic evolution.

    So, on board the ark were the 600 year old Noah and his 100 year old sons, Shem, Ham, and Japeth, and their three wives who remain nameless because after all they were only women. Someone had to clean up after all those animals. And of course there was Noah's wife. The Bible didn't give her a name either, but Spade Digsmore discovered on Mt. Ararat a high school year book, wrapped in a shroud, from the class of 2500 B.C. with her picture and name. It was Joan. Joan of Ark. The book said that Joan was voted by her classmates, most likely to be burned at the stake. And beside the yearbook was a box of tea bags and a loaded

    rifle.

    All the people who didn't have citizenship papers and birth cirtificates were not allowed to board the ark and were left behind to die with their grandmothers.

    The best part of the story is that during Noah's ocean cruise, the Bible god killed all the other people on the planet because they were wicked. The Bible god is no bleeding heart liberal. He even killed all the cuddly little bunny rabbits which is even more than either Hitler or Stalin accomplished.

    Curiously, the wickedness may have actually been caused by the "giants" and the other "sons of God" (Gen. 6:4), who saw the "daughters of men, that they were beautiful. " The women unfortunately didn't have their burkas on so the "sons of god" couldn't help themselves and well, you know what happened next. "The wickedness of man was great in the earth," and according to the professor, it was so bad that the people had socialized mediSin, and they watched a lot of Jane Fonda movies.

    And so it came to pass, the ark ran out of gas and landed on a hill. Noah and his sons wasted no time growing grapes and producing a lot of wine that must have been pretty good because Noah "drank of the wine" and while in a drunken stupor he passed out bare assed naked in his tent. (Gen. 9:21) Then they got down to the business of being fruitful and multiplying. Unfortunately, the people after the flood were just as wicked as those who had been "left behind." So what was the point of killing everyone, you may ask? Hopefully when the next Noah's true ark is discovered professor Digsmore will have an answer to that question.

    Repent the end is Rear,

    Infidel

  20. Gary,

    You know alot about the Bible, and you dont even put it to good use. Its a shame!….Im praying for you, one day God will get ahold of your heart and you will turn to Him.

  21. Greetings Krystal,

    But I think that I do put the Bible to good use just like this web site does. Exposing the idiocies, contradictions, SEX, violence and disgusting cruelty found in the pages of the bad Book may get some people to thinking and questioning the religious propaganda that has plagued America and the western world for centuries.

    "The best cure for Christianity is reading the Bible." – Mark Twain

  22. baked in an oven with various sauces. I wonder if it was Mesquite BBQ Sauce. Maybe He could market it as the SAUCE to make FAKE ARK WOOD with.

  23. Two points:]
    God didn't tell Noah until seven days before the flood that Noah needed SEVEN PAIRS of clean animals. Noah had built and provisioned for only one pair of clean and unclean. Can you imagine – you invite people to a party and seven times the number you invited show up! That point is never emphasized enough in my opinion.

    Second – Noah was on board for over a year. Read carefully… you'll see it. However, God never tells Noah how long he will be on the Ark so it is a mystery to me how Noah knew how much food to gather – for the food, unlike the animals – did not come to Noah. And then to find out only seven days before the ship is to sail that he must provision for seven times more guests than he expected for an unknown duration. My, my, my. Poor Noah. I suspect he would rather have drowned.

  24. Pingback: Ex-colleague: Noah's Ark discovery a hoax

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